she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
cat food counts as protein by the way
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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