I cannot find my penis.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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