You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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