I just pynch a tree in the face
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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