Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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