no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this boner is exhausting
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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