It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You ate ashes out of my bong
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
