Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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