I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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