what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You're like the curious george of whores
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
