I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
