Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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