the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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