Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
