I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
