once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
