so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
