I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
