If i come over, it means nothing
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
