So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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