This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
