a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
