I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
