Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
