North Korea, Best Korea!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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