i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
