The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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