I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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