I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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