He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
