I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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