For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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