Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh god the rape fog is back!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
