Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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