she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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