shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
