If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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