it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I color on your dick again?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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