She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
