You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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