I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize