I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
