Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
