Christians are straight up FREAKS
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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