So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
