ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
