life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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