Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize