So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
