I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
