Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
