I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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