walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
