Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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