Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
