ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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