it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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