His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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