12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
