is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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