Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
