Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
