Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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