please come you make the beer taste better
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
