if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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