Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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