I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
