dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
