I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
