Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
