i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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