fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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