When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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