Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
