It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
