She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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